I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
