So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
