Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
