How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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