I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
