Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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