no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
