No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
