Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
