I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
