she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
