I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize