Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
