I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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