I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The adults are the big ones right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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