My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
