Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
