But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
3 2 1 whiskey
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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