TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
