Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
