I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
