So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
