so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
