i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
