david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
