He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
