you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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