Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
