He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
