We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
