my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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