one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize