if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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