...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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