Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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