So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
