She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
