How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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