i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
