I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
