Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
