Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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