First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
