Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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