I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
