Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
