if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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