omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize