There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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