well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We need to rekindle our bromance
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
