i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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