so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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