Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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