Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
