i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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