Im at strip club and am horny
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
