Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
