Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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