dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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