If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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