butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have demons in me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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