that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
